oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
