Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
