You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
