The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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