i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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