I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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