My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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