I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
