I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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