i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You need a sexual gate keeper
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
is it fun? or sober?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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