my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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