I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
