Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize