Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
