Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
