I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
