His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
