It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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