he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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