Duck Duck Cougar?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
