Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
