I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
