he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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