I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
