Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
