we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
