drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
