and she was petting her beer can
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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