He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
