just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize