I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
