Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
