well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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