what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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