youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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