I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got inside last night via doggy door
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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