That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
