She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
