fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
