Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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