now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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