I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
