All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
