And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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