dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
