She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it glows. i had to have it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
