just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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