Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
