okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
