Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
