just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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