im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
