So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
