True but thats because hes a fetus.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
