Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
