"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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