I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
