a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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