Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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