is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My dick has a subreddit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
