Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
