..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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