How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
