you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
