So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
