White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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