Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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